Thoughts to „Doch heimlich dürsten wir...“

I was always very fascinated and shocked by the huge discrepancy in between the highest cultural achievements and the banal cruelty of life, which we can see side by side every day, especially by the modern communication possibilities like the Internet. It shows just in the very same moment the deepest or the most superficial entertainment and the most fabulous or most cruel destinies.

Above all, many of these elements are linked to each other in a very complex web: especially in our political and social hierarchies very often the power of the one causes the powerlessness of the other. The wealth of the ones is working because of the poverty of the others. For the ones it is a dancing game of power, recognition or advantage – a small push on the button – for the others it is a “bomb” which can change their whole destiny, switching in between life, suffering and death.

In Hesse's poem I find exactly this shocking truth, that theoretically we would have all the potential as humans, to live a well balanced life in harmony but for some unexplainable reasons we always are fascinated and attracted to the abyss of life. Especially in the field of art one might think, that most of the creators or recipients strive for a cultural and peaceful communication, for harmonic and positive life, but strangely through all epochs and art forms almost all the masterpieces deal with the ugly abysses and contradictions of human existence.

The music opens very often that field in between intellectual control and the uncontrolled desire for the sensuality of sound, just as Hesse describes it so wonderfully in his poem. In my music I searched for an ambiguous dance in between this light, maybe even slightly superficial game on the one hand and a sensual, almost greedy ecstasy on the other hand, which can open up a deep abyss. We never really know, what part of it is the controlled game and where the game controls us and becomes reality.